Epstein Love Competencies Inventory (ELCI)

You're about to take the Epstein Love Competencies Inventory (or ELCI, which is pronounced like the name "Elsie"). This is a comprehensive inventory of a wide range of skills that are important to the survival and success of long-term romantic relationships. Most people are able to complete it in less than 10 minutes, and there are no right or wrong answers. Just select the response that seems best. After you answer all the questions, you'll be given a detailed report which will give you your scores and explain what they mean.

This is just the start; once you know your "Elsie" scores, there are many avenues you might pursue to improve your relationship skills. The better your skills, the stronger your relationships are likely to be.

Before we get to the inventory it self, we'll ask you a few basic questions about yourself.

To make sure the scoring is accurate, be sure to fill in all the blanks!

First name and last initial (required): Age:
Highest Degree: None High School Associates College Masters Doctorate	Race/Ethnicity: White Black Hispanic Asian American Indian Other	Gender: Male Female	Sexual Orientation: Straight Gay Bisexual

Have you ever been married?
No Yes

Are you currently married?
No Yes

Are you currently in a romantic relationship?
No Yes

If you are currently married or in a romantic relationship, how long has it lasted?
Years: Months:

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is the highest, how satisfying has this relationship been for you?
Low 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 High

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, about how long has it been since your last one ended?
Years: Months:

On average, how long have your romantic relationships lasted?
Years: Months:

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is the highest, how satisfying have your romantic relationships been for you?
Low 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 High

Have you had any counseling or coaching in relationship skills?
No Yes

If so, approximately how many hours of counseling or coaching have you had?

OPTIONAL: If a mental health professional suggested that you take this test, please identify him or her, as well as his or her institutional affiliation.

1. I always know and try to respect my partner's basic views and values.
Agree Disagree

2. I always ask my partner how his or her day was.
Agree Disagree

3.I try to protect myself from stress before it starts.
Agree Disagree

4. I always know how to have a fun time with my partner.
Agree Disagree

5. I'm always ready to forgive my partner when he or she apologizes.
Agree Disagree

6. I have a thorough knowledge of my strengths and weaknesses.
Agree Disagree

7. I frequently visualize soothing scenes in order to relax.
Agree Disagree

8. I often ask for feedback from my partner.
Agree Disagree

9. I always try to keep myself physically attractive for my partner.
Agree Disagree

10. I know how to describe my feelings accurately.
Agree Disagree

11. I criticize my partner more than I praise him or her.
Agree Disagree

12. I exercise regularly and stay fit.
Agree Disagree

13. I always try to make time for friendly conversation with my partner.
Agree Disagree

14. I try to avoid destructive ways of dealing with stress.
Agree Disagree

15. I always know all about my partner's family.
Agree Disagree

16. I always know my partner's favorite pizza toppings.
Agree Disagree

17. I always stay focused on the issue at hand when arguing with my partner.
Agree Disagree

18. I have trouble making commitments.
Agree Disagree

19. I'm a good money manager.
Agree Disagree

20. I often hide my true thoughts when I speak to my partner.
Agree Disagree

21. I'm generally optimistic about the future.
Agree Disagree

22. I always know how to create a romantic evening for my partner and me.
Agree Disagree

23. I have trouble prioritizing.
Agree Disagree

24. I am comfortable asking others for help.
Agree Disagree

25. I regularly tense and relax my muscles as a way of relaxing.
Agree Disagree

26. I regularly ask my partner about his or her tastes, preferences, and passions.
Agree Disagree

27. I know how to make money grow.
Agree Disagree

28. When I think I might be wrong, I apologize.
Agree Disagree

29. I praise and encourage my partner far more often than I criticize him or her.
Agree Disagree

30. I frequently encourage my partner to express his or her views.
Agree Disagree

31. I sometimes try to diffuse conflict with humor.
Agree Disagree

32. I always try to be honest with my partner.
Agree Disagree

33. I know how to recognize and get rid of causes of stress.
Agree Disagree

34. I am comfortable talking about my feelings with my partner.
Agree Disagree

35. I have no trouble getting and keeping a job.
Agree Disagree

36. I regularly ask my partner for feedback on what pleases him or her sexually.
Agree Disagree

37. I consistently take good care of my health.
Agree Disagree

38. I always try to stay prepared for possible hard times.
Agree Disagree

39. I always remember my partner's birthday and other special days.
Agree Disagree

40. In a conflict, I work with my partner to try to attain both our goals.
Agree Disagree

41. I don't know how to manage money.
Agree Disagree

42. I always know what my partner's romantic and sexual fantasies are.
Agree Disagree

43. I am embarrassed to seek help when I have a sexual problem.
Agree Disagree

44. I always know what my partner's hopes and dreams are.
Agree Disagree

45. I try hard to succeed despite difficulties.
Agree Disagree

46. I frequently remind my partner about his or her past mistakes.
Agree Disagree

47. I always make time for sensual intimacy.
Agree Disagree

48. I earn enough money to contribute adequately to a relationship or marriage.
Agree Disagree

49. I always make good eye contact with my partner.
Agree Disagree

50. I often forget my partner's birthday or other special days.
Agree Disagree

51. I have a purpose in life.
Agree Disagree

52. I always have adequate insurance for me and those who depend on me.
Agree Disagree

53. I'm constantly seeking to become a better person.
Agree Disagree

54. I try to soothe and comfort my partner when he or she is hurting.
Agree Disagree

55. When sex doesn't go well, I avoid blaming myself or my partner.
Agree Disagree

56. I regularly take time to reflect on my dreams and aspirations.
Agree Disagree

57. I try to find positive ways of understanding disturbing events.
Agree Disagree

58. I have a good knowledge of what pleases me sexually.
Agree Disagree

59. I know how to manage my weight.
Agree Disagree

60. I make sure I regularly do things I love to do.
Agree Disagree

61. When intercourse with my partner is not possible, I try to find other ways for us to enjoy each other sexually.
Agree Disagree

62. I take timeouts from arguments when I need to.
Agree Disagree

63. In an argument, I try to interpret what my partner says in a way that won't hurt me.
Agree Disagree

64. I regularly examine and try to correct my irrational beliefs.
Agree Disagree

65. When my partner apologizes, I'm always open to forgiving him or her.
Agree Disagree

66. I listen and remember when my partner tells me about his or her problems.
Agree Disagree

67. I rarely ask my partner for feedback on what pleases him or her sexually.
Agree Disagree

68. I know how to identify and eliminate sources of stress.
Agree Disagree

69. During arguments, I usually hold fast to my positions.
Agree Disagree

70. I strive to overcome obstacles.
Agree Disagree